Gravity
by Antha32
Summary: Like gravity in action with Earth, Maryse Lightwood never really could leave the ones she loved. Becoming a mother didn't change that. Two-shot, interpretation of the life of Maryse Lightwood. Canon through CoLS.


_**A/N: Okay, so this was originally going to be a one-shot, but it got to be super, super long, and I just discovered that I'm going to have to rewrite a piece of it (Microsoft Word kills me sometimes), so I'm making it a two-shot and seeing if you all like it before I write another 10,000 words. This is my interpretation of Maryse Lightwood- she is a character that really interests me and I really enjoy writing. If you notice any mistakes in my facts, please tell me. I adore any feedback! Also, this is only edited by me, since it's sooooo long (only Part 1 here, I only get through City of Glass), so any grammar mistakes you see, please tell me. **_

_**This is inspired by the amazing**_**Spun, _whose beautiful story _Understanding _was a fanfiction that I came across while writing this and gave me a lot of ideas, so some credit there. _Spun's _stories are amazing- best Mortal Instruments fanfiction writer I've come across. Thank you so much for inspiring me._**

**_Also, thanks to Allibella731 and my girl Sarah for reading this for me._**

**_Thanks everyone, hope you enjoy!_**

**__Disclaimer- The Mortal Instruments belongs to the amazing Cassandra Clare. **

Gravity

_Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. _

_The only thing that you think can light you up or bring you down is true love…and then, you become a mother._

* * *

Marks have always fascinated Maryse. The idea that something as simple as a line could make someone powerful was exhilarating to her- but, after all, Maryse has always been a fighter. Marks, though, did more than making someone stronger; they protected, they bound, and they did not break. Maryse had not noticed that part until today.

That seemed to give her a sense of security. Marks did not break, unlike other things. Maryse had discovered early on that sometimes, even blood did not stand strong. Her older brother had run away from her family when Maryse was twelve, leaving Maryse humiliated and abandoned. Her brother had been her best friend, her closest confidant, and he had left her for a mundane. Why he did, Maryse will never understand. She just knows she'll never forgive him, even though she still loves him.

It's not about him today, though.

She looks up at Robert- sarcastic, proud, funny Robert- and smiles. He grins back, a smile that is only meant for her, as if she is the only woman that would ever matter to him in his life. She squeezes the hand that is holding hers, as if to let him know that he is also the only man for her. They are an odd couple in many ways, for they are so different in many ways. Maryse is always headfirst in the game, feisty and independent and ready for whatever is going to be thrown at her; Robert is a follower, quiet, willing to be in the background of the picture. Maryse is smart to the point of annoyance; Robert is reserved. Maryse is always sure of herself; Robert doubts. Somehow, though, they fit, almost like gravity, pushing and pulling on Earth in the perfect sequence. A pair of proud fighters they are, and they are meant to be.

When they are Marked, bound together in marriage, Maryse stares at the two matching images on their arms, and knows this is forever.

* * *

"He looks just like you," Jocelyn says, her eyes on the baby in her arms.

Maryse smiles, staring down at Alec. "I think he looks like Robert," she murmurs, her fingers brushing over the baby's fine dark hair.

"Every wife says that," Elizabeth Wayland exclaims. "He looks like you though. Especially with those eyes!"

"Oh, but Robert has blue eyes too," Maryse replies.

"Yes, but those are your eyes. For sure."

It is after a Circle meeting, and everyone is chatting in the Fairchild Manor's living room. It had been Maryse's first meeting since giving birth to Alec, as Valentine had kindly told her to take some time with her newborn. Alec is nearing four months old, but many of the Circle, including Jocelyn and Valentine themselves, had yet to see the baby. There has been much coddling of Alec and discussing of motherhood with Maryse. Alec is the first child of anyone in the Circle.

_Valentine seems ecstatic these days_, Maryse thinks as Jocelyn and Elizabeth continue to marvel at her son. The Circle's advances are going swimmingly, and, with so many members getting married and having children, the thought of a second generation is exciting to everyone, especially Valentine, with a wife with a baby on the way as well.

A hand grabs Maryse by the waist and she jumps, before realizing the familiar smell of Robert and relaxing. Her husband pulls her to him and sits his head on her shoulder.

"How's our boy?" He whispers, a smile evident on his lips.

"He's been stolen, no surprise there, as sweet as he is," Maryse whispers back.

"Already a ladies' man, just like his dad," Robert jokes rubbing Maryse's shoulder.

"I'm pretty sure he got his looks from my side," Maryse answers, smirking.

"Yes, he did." He kisses her cheek.

"Well, how's the happy couple!" Valentine exclaims, coming up to Robert and clapping his shoulder. Robert shies awkwardly away from his hand. He is always odd around Valentine, and Maryse does not really understand why. Maryse, however, smiles at her leader as he gives her a hug.

"You are one to talk, Valentine, with a baby on the way yourself," she says.

"Oh, but it's your time to show off now," Valentine shoos her comment away, grinning. He turns towards Jocelyn, who is still holding Alec. "Mind if I take him?"

Jocelyn looks up in surprise. "What?"

Maryse laughs. "Give your husband a chance with my baby. Give him some practice for later. I wish Robert had got that." She turns to Robert, and he smiles uncomfortably.

Jocelyn hesitates, holding Alec a bit closer to her chest. Maryse wonders what is wrong with her. She is glancing at her own husband with an odd look on her face.

"Aw, come on, darling, you've had him for awhile," Valentine says, holding his hands out.

Jocelyn gives him a small smile and hands him Alec. Valentine looks at the child with interest, beaming. "He is Alexander…" He looks up at Maryse questionably.

"Alexander Gideon. After Robert's grandfather," Maryse answers.

"Ah, yes, I remember a Gideon Lightwood," Valentine looks thoughtful, "Alexander Gideon, a very strong Shadowhunter name."

"Indeed," Jocelyn adds.

"We've been calling him Alec for short," Robert murmurs.

"Well, Alec, it's very nice to meet the first child of the Circle," Valentine says to Alec, before handing the baby back to Maryse. Valentine reaches over to Jocelyn and places his arm around her waist. "Well, I need to talk to Lucian. Come with me, love?"

Jocelyn leans slightly into his touch. "Of course."

Valentine grins at her before turning back to Maryse and Robert. "So glad to see you two back. And to meet the little one."

"We're glad to be back," Maryse says loyally. Robert nods.

"Have a good night," Valentine calls

"You as well!" Maryse answers. The couple walks off into the room of elegantly dressed warriors, leaving Maryse with her family.

Maryse turns to Robert in annoyance. "Robert, what on Earth is your problem with him?"

Robert rolls his eyes. "Oh, come on, Maryse, we're just not as close as we used to be. He's not someone I really have to get along with, right? This is just for the cause- he came up with it, that's the only reason he's the leader."

"Yes, and a genius!" Maryse answers, "And our friend!"

"Your friend," Robert murmurs, looking down at her, "You're the real reason I'm here, Maryse."

Maryse pauses, looking up at her husband in astonishment. "Really?"

"Of course, you silly thing," he kisses her lips, and takes Alec from her arms. "Now, come on. I want to go home and spend time with my wife and my son."

She places her hand on top of one of his holding Alec, and kisses Alec's small head before pressing her lips to Robert's cheek. "Let's."

* * *

_Time goes on quickly_, Maryse realizes as she gets older. She discovers it's hard to notice until you're a mother, but once you are, there is no going back. It just seems like yesterday that she was holding Alec in her arms for the first time, and it also seems like only a week ago was he just crawling, and now he is running around the house, his toddler legs carrying him unsteadily. Wasn't it just the other day that he hadn't ever spoken a word, and today, though he is still a surprisingly quiet child, she is so accustomed to the sound of his voice that she recognizes it anywhere. Not two years ago, she never honestly thought she'd be a mother, and now she cannot honestly imagine life without Alec's smile.

Though, your child, Maryse discovers isn't the only thing you notice change once you become a mother. Things move more quickly, the little differences in people seem so much bigger. Only two years ago, the Circle was running smoothly, everyone original still there, no problems or suspicions whatsoever. Now, Lucian was dead and Stephen was remarried and babies are born here and there and everywhere and Valentine seems so much more uptight and rigid and incredibly devoted to the cause, and Maryse finds that many times she will look at her old friend and be scared of him. She is not about to abandon the cause, though, and neither is Robert, but now she didn't know if she is devoted to it by loyalty or fear.

Though, sometimes the world looked to be going mad, Maryse still has hope. There still is happiness, such as Robert and her friends and their children and Alec, not to mention more surprises in life.

"You. Are. Not." Celine says, her eyes widening. She is sitting on Maryse's couch, looking up from her position of jumping a laughing Alec up and down. They are having tea with Jocelyn so the boys can play.

Maryse beams, placing her hand on her stomach. "Would I lie?"

"Oh!" Celine bounces up and down and comes over to hug Maryse. "Congratulations! Another baby! I'm so happy for you! Oh, there will be five now, with Alec and Jonathon and Elizabeth's little boy and mine! I'm so excited! Aren't you, Jocelyn?"

Jocelyn looks up from looking at her son sitting on the ground in alarm. "Excuse me?"

"Aren't you happy for Maryse?" Celine repeats slowly.

"Oh, yes, of course…" Jocelyn says, trailing off. "I'm sorry, Maryse, I'm afraid I was lost in my own world. Would you repeat what you said?"

"I'm pregnant, Jocelyn," Maryse says again.

"Oh!" Jocelyn exclaims, giving her a little smile. "That's so great!"

"Yes, well, I didn't expect another so soon, I feel a little worried…" Maryse murmurs.

"Nonsense," Celine waves her off, "You'll be fine. You two are both so wonderful with Alec and Jonathon. I can only hope I'm as great with my little one." She beams with glee. "So, what do you think your having?"

This is how the young wife of Stephen always was. She is so happy and trusting and naïve, but very sweet, Maryse thinks, though she misses Amatis. Maryse does not know what had happened to Stephen over the last year. Ever since Lucian died, Stephen's life as the now second in command of the Circle is so different, with an eighteen year old as a wife and a baby on the way. Maryse tries to welcome this new Stephen as best she can, so she also is kind to sweet little Celine.

"I really hope it's a girl. Not that I wouldn't mind another boy, but just to even us out…" Maryse replies.

"Oh, I understand what you mean," Celine says, grinning. "I'm pretty certain I'm having a boy…"

"What are you naming him?" Maryse asks.

"Jonathon." Celine answers. Jocelyn jumps at the name, coming out of her trance once more. Maryse looks at her in alarm, but Celine looks sheepishly at Jocelyn.

"I know, I know," she sighs, playing with her dress, "It's your son's name and Elizabeth's, and I feel as if I'm stealing from you with it…but Stephen insisted. I don't really understand why…oh well, I like the name well enough. I just don't want to make you unhappy, Jocelyn."

"Oh no," Jocelyn replies, shaking her head and staring at her feet, "No, of course not, Celine, it's totally fine."

"Oh, thank goodness, I was so worried," Celine answers, "We'll just have to find some good nicknames. Right, Alec?" The boy is back by her feet again, looking for more playing. "You sweet thing. You're such a cutie, aren't you? You and my little boy are going to be such great friends, aren't you?"

Maryse only half-listens as Celine continues to play with Alec and chat to her at the same time. She gives half nods and glances towards Celine every few minutes, but doesn't really hear what she is saying. Maryse finds herself watching Jocelyn, who in turn is watching Jonathon with alertness. Maryse at first thinks Jocelyn is looking at the baby with overprotection, as if she isn't going to let Alec near her son because she doesn't want her baby near danger. Maryse wonders if Jocelyn is really that odd and righteous- there is nothing wrong with Jonathon playing with her Alec. Her Alec wouldn't hurt a fly. Was Jocelyn really that ridiculous that her son couldn't play with other children?

But than, Maryse realizes that Jocelyn isn't looking at Jonathon with overprotection, but with alarm. She isn't giving sideways glances at Alec in fear of him, but in fear for him. Maryse finds herself in a cold dread. Why on Earth would Jocelyn Morgenstern be scared of her own child? There is nothing wrong with Jonathon in Maryse's eyes. He is quiet and not much into playing, but that wasn't abnormal. Alec did not start talking until about two months ago, and Jonathon is about a half a year younger than him. Though, Alec had been later than most children…

"Oh God, look at the time!" Celine calls, pulling Maryse from her thoughts. "I really have to go- your husband has me on these herbs to help the baby and everything." She says to Jocelyn. "He's been so good to me and Stephen, I'm so thankful."

Jocelyn again has a look of alarm on her face, her eyes moving back and forth from Celine's face to her stomach. She almost looks as if she wanted to say something, but Celine is out the door before she could utter a word.

Two months later, Celine, along with her husband and child, is dead.

Maryse is scared, and she knew Robert is scared too, not for their own lives, but for their children. This game Valentine and the Circle is playing is becoming too dangerous, and Valentine seems to be giving Maryse more and more odd feelings, and part of her desperately wants out. She and Robert are in too far deep, though, too far devoted, and she can't stop now. She knows Valentine, she tells herself, she trusts him. One thing is for sure though- Alec and their baby on the way come first. She would surrender before she ever left her children, let alone let someone come near to touching her babies.

The eve of the Uprising is tense. Who was going and doing what sort and when seems all so confusing to Maryse, but she knows what to do. She is nearly four months pregnant, but Valentine obviously wants all hands on deck, and Maryse is not about to let a fight go down that her husband is in without her. So when she finds that Jocelyn is not coming, but staying home with Jonathon, she thinks that might be the safest place to leave Alec. Jocelyn is probably the person she trusted most in the Circle, and she can handle Alec.

She stays after the meeting, holding a sleeping Alec, to ask Jocelyn.

"No," is Jocelyn's immediate response.

"Any reason why?" Maryse asks, confused.

"Look, Maryse…" Jocelyn sighs. Maryse takes note of her. The usually lively and ready to fight girl looks exhausted, with dark circles under her eyes and her bouncy red curls limp and greasy. She is far too skinny and far too pale- her arms look like ones of a ghost. Maryse feels instant worry for the woman, and thinks of that day with her weird stares towards her son and her odd relations with her husband. What has happened to her?

"Are you alright, Jocelyn?" Maryse whispers, staring into her tired green eyes.

"I'm…I'm fine. Look, I'm sorry, I really need to sleep…" Jocelyn turns.

"Alright," Maryse says, pulling Alec closer as to comfort herself.

But as Jocelyn turns around, Maryse sees it. If she had never had one herself, she wouldn't have noticed it. But it is clearly there. Small, but there.

A tiny bump is growing out of Jocelyn's stomach.

* * *

Robert won't look at her.

She thinks that maybe, if he looks at her, maybe she won't feel as if her whole world is collapsing all around her. Maybe she won't feel so scared. Maybe she would feel that everything would be all right.

The Uprising had gone horribly wrong. They had lost, and, true to her word, Maryse laid down her arms in surrender, her mind only on her family. Valentine and Jocelyn and Jonathon were dead, among others. Maryse would never be able to learn if she had been right about Jocelyn. If she had been, that baby would be dead as well.

They had been punished. Maryse knew it would happen, as they were inside Circle members. Luckily, they had gotten off easily, with a sentence to stay in New York, along with Hodge, with only allowed visits to Idris and a requirement to attend all Clave meetings. Maryse is counting her blessings. She could have been stripped of her Marks, or worse. They could have taken Alec from her and Robert.

They hadn't, though. She still has her little boy and her baby that is coming and her husband. At least she hopes she has her husband…

Robert is counting his woes. He loves Idris, and he never wants to leave his home. He hates being stuck in a place he doesn't know, with none of his friends or other Shadowhunters besides his wife. He hates being told what to do.

He blames her, and she knows it. He hadn't wanted to join the Circle. He would have never been in the Circle had he not been so in love with her. It is her fault, she is to blame for this sentence, and she doesn't know if he'll ever forgive her.

She wants everything in her life to go back to the way it was before this madness.

Robert still won't look at her. Robert never would see her.

* * *

When Isabelle is born, Maryse thinks things will go back to normal.

Her little girl is beautiful, with dark hair and big dark eyes, and so small. Maryse is immediately taken by her, and some part of her knows that pretty Isabelle is going to cause a lot of trouble later on, and get away with it. Though, Maryse had that quality as a young woman as well…but that was years away for her to worry about.

Robert adores Isabelle in the way all fathers adore their little girls. His relationship with Isabelle is so different to his one with Alec. Robert isn't afraid to play with Alec, point out things to him, and talk to the toddler as if he is an adult. However, he seems incredibly overprotective of Isabelle, always holding her and always telling Alec to be careful around his sister, though Maryse knows Alec would never do anything to her. Alec is very gentle for a two and a half year old.

Robert comes back to normal as they continue to adapt to life at the New York Institute. Maryse knows he is still angry with her, but she believes he has begun to forgive her. He has gone back to talking normally with her, and then kissing her, and eventually, they make love again.

Maryse finally thinks, though life for her is forever changed, many things have gone back to they way they are supposed to be.

As the years go on, though, Maryse realizes that Robert isn't the same person anymore. He is rather distant, sometimes around her and the children but very often taken to his office, working. Maryse works too, but not nearly as much as Robert does, and Maryse wonders what he is doing in there. She looks to Hodge, to her great annoyance, to help her raise Alec and Isabelle, as Robert is not ever there to help.

She finds he is even more far away when they go to Alicante, always going out or staying at Clave meetings far too late. He, unlike Maryse, does not mind being away from the children for long. Occasionally, Maryse finds herself returning home without him.

She does not know what to do.

She eventually decides to leave him be, let him do what he needs. Eventually, she tells herself, he'll get over this. He'll come back and be in love with her again. He'll come back and be a good father to Alec and Isabelle again. He just needs time alone to figure it out himself. She gives it to him.

* * *

Maryse stares at the tests in amazement. She has never used a pregnancy test before, because, before, she had known. She and Robert had tried for Alec and Isabelle, planned for two children and only two children. However, here she is, using five different tests to make sure they were all reliable, even though, again, part of her had known. The only times in her life she has ever been late was when she conceived.

She does not know whether to be shocked or happily surprised. She does not even know how this had happened. She and Robert probably had sex once in the last month, and she is certain they had used protection. Something must have been out of order.

Maryse really loves the four-person family- it is easy, even, one boy and one girl to worry about. Maryse also loves the idea of another baby, just one little one, since, in her eyes, Alec and Isabelle are growing up too fast. Also, a new baby might help her bring Robert back to her, back in the game of this family. She has to tell him.

She practically runs to his office, and she suddenly has a flashback of nine years earlier, when she had told him she was pregnant for the first time and she had jumped into his arms with joy at the thought of a first baby. She hopes that would be what it was now, all happiness and excitement for the two of them.

He isn't there.

Maryse is certain he had been up there. They had eaten breakfast and he had come straight up here and, to her knowledge, not come down. She shrugs; thinking she just have just missed him. She can't help the disappointment sinking into her stomach, but she tries to ignore it. She can tell him later. She turns to leave, but then stops.

There is a note on his desk with an odd stationary pattern on it. She picks it up suspiciously, and reads it.

The note drops from her hands as she falls into her husband's chair in shock.

She can't believe it.

She can't believe she had missed it.

She can't believe he had done it to her.

And yet, she knows it is true.

_Dearest Robert,_

_When are you returning to Alicante? I miss you so horribly- you should come home to see me. Can you leave and come this weekend? There is a lovely party that is happening, and I can get reservations at the restaurant you love. I haven't seen you in nearly three weeks- you know what that does to me. I hope you are missing me as well. Come see me, my love. We can discuss your plans again. _

_Your Annamarie_

Maryse feels tears fall down her cheeks as she clutches her stomach in distress.

* * *

"I'm pregnant," Maryse tells Robert days later when he returns.

"What?" Robert says in shock, looking up from the papers he is reading.

"I'm pregnant," Maryse repeats, looking at him in detest. Robert's eyes widen. He knows she knows. He can tell. Yet, he doesn't say anything. He looks back at his papers in a hurry, and glares up at her.

"Well," he answers formally, "Okay."

She meets his eyes for a moment before glancing away. She can't even _look _at him. "Okay."

She turns and is almost out the door before she pauses, not looking at him. "Did you ever think about me? Did you ever consider what this would do to me?"

He doesn't answer. She didn't expect him to.

* * *

_Do I leave?_

_Do I stay?_

Maryse doesn't know anymore.

She is pregnant, already has two children, has nowhere to go, and her husband is cheating on her. She is scared and alone.

If she leaves, she'll be free.

She doesn't know it she wants to be free.

She doesn't know if she can be free.

Because, even though she hates herself for it, she still loves Robert. He is the love of her life. Even if she knows he didn't love her and has to live with that for the rest of her life, it won't matter, because she loves him. She's too drawn to him, too far in love with him. She can't get out. She can't leave him. It would destroy her.

She can't do it to Alec and Isabelle either, not to mention the third one. They can't grow up having already known their father and loved him and then left him. Maryse won't let her kids grow up dysfunctional. She has to stay here and be strong for her children, because she loves them more than anything and will do anything for them. They keep her strong. She needs them as they need her.

She stays. She can do this. She has to do this.

When she holds Max in her arms for the first time, his wide eyes staring up at her, she knows she has made the right decision.

* * *

When she hears that Michael Wayland is dead, Maryse can't help but feel sadness, but not for Michael. Michael was Robert's best friend, and probably, though he hadn't admitted it to her, the other reason he had joined the Circle. The two were even parabatai, and Maryse knows Robert regrets not being able to see his closest friend, even brother, for so long, and now he is dead. Maryse, however, hadn't known Michael that well, and had always been closer to Elizabeth than him. She feels despair for the little boy who had grown up without a mother and now watched his father die. Not to mention, even though she's hardly seen the child, he's her and Robert's godchild. So, of course she agrees when Robert tells her they have been asked to take the child in. As much as she doesn't want to associate with her husband, she can't turn away a child.

When he first comes through the Portal, she cannot believe how much he doesn't resemble Michael or Elizabeth. For one thing, he is so blonde it is ridiculous. Elizabeth had been dark haired, and though Michael had been blonde, it had been a dark blonde, and totally straight. The boy has light curls that matched the color of his eyes. Also, Michael had been a large man, built with broad shoulders and muscle. Jonathon is small and skinny for a ten year old, not much different than Alec, but very different than his father.

When she expresses this later to Hodge, he won't meet her eyes, but he shrugs it off with "Some children just don't resemble their parents."

Maryse is intrigued by Jonathon from the start, along with her children. Isabelle takes to him after warming up, quite happy to have another child in the house to talk to and who likes to fight, unlike Alec, who will train but refuses to harm. Alec is shy at first, as he is with every person he meets, but it doesn't take long for them to become friends. Max, being only two, doesn't seem to understand the concept of having another child in the house, but he enjoys the attention.

Jonathon is an interesting child, Maryse finds. He is quiet, but he says little smart, sarcastic comments here and there, and she wonders how he received that quality. He enjoys playing with Alec and Isabelle, but also continues to be weary of them, as if they will turn around and stab him in the back any minute. He is an excellent fighter for his age, almost too good to be true. He laughs and jokes, but shies away from any affection anyone tries to give him. He is so different than any of the other children, and Maryse does not know how to respond to him.

About a month after he moves in, Maryse notices dark circles under Jonathon's eyes. She wonders when the child has last slept at all, and that night, curiosity gets the better of her, and she ventures into his room, to see if he isn't asleep or not.

She is correct. He is under the covers, looking as if he has every intention of going to sleep, and yet, his gold colored eyes are wide open.

"Hey, what are you still doing up?" Maryse asks gently.

He jumps, and then notices it is her. "I, um…I can't sleep."

Maryse sits on his bed. "Why not?"

He looks away, his eyes shining. "I-I can't. I just…I can't." He shuts his eyes, and pulls the covers farther over himself. Maryse can't help but notice how exhausted the poor child looks up close, and how she can now notice faded Marks and other various scars on his body. Maryse could never think of Marking Alec until he is at least thirteen. Jonathon is ten. Maryse wishes she knew what had happened to this child.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She murmurs. He shakes his head no.

Maryse sighs. She knew it wasn't going to be that easy. She swings here legs over the bed and lies down next to Jonathon.

"What are—" He asks.

"It turns out I can't sleep either," Maryse interrupts, "And I thought maybe I could have another person to be with as I can't sleep and you can't sleep. Is that alright?"

Jonathon hesitates before nodding, a ghost of a grin on his face. "Yes," he whispers back.

She smiles at him, and they sit there for a while in silence.

"You know," Maryse finally says, trying to change Jonathon's thoughts, "when you were born, everyone was naming their boys Jonathon."

"Really?" He smirks.

"Yeah," Maryse answers, "We used to joke about how'd we need a list of nicknames that would fit it since there were so many of them."

Jonathon sighs. "I don't like it."

Maryse raises an eyebrow. "No? Why not?"

Jonathon shrugs, closing his eyes. "It's overused. And too long."

"It is a bit of a mouthful," Maryse admits, though she has a feeling there is something he isn't telling her.

"I hate it," he mumbles, "I wish I was named something else." He is quiet after that, again lost in his own thoughts.

"Jace," Maryse replies.

"What?" he asks, his eyes opening again.

"If you hate your name, let's change it," Maryse suggests, pulling the covers away from his face. "Or at least shorten it. Your middle name is Christopher, right? J.C. Jace. Jonathon Christopher."

He is again silent, and Maryse decides to take back what she said. "Unless you absolutely hate it and still want to be called—"

"No," he whispers, smiling a real smile for the first time since he's been here. "Jace. I want to be called Jace."

Maryse grins back at him. "Alright then."

It takes several hours, many stories, and a lot of sarcasm, but eventually, Jace falls asleep, tucked into Maryse's arms.

That is Maryse realizes that maybe she can still have her family of five.

* * *

Two years past, and again, Maryse is marveling over how things change.

Jace is very much her fourth child now. Maryse sometimes forgets there was a time when he wasn't there, that he had another father and another mother, for he seems so much hers that she can hardly stand it. She loves him just the same as she loves Alec, Isabelle, and Max, and she hopes he knows it.

He fits in the family perfectly as well. He and Alec are tied at the hip and act so much like blood brothers it is ridiculous. Isabelle is their baby sister who wants more than anything to be a part of their friendship, and the boys are most of the time happy to include her. Max, now four and asking questions like a maniac, adores his older siblings, but especially Jace, and probably because Jace pays extra attention to him.

Maryse is happier than she's been in a long time. She knows Robert still isn't around, and though she wishes he were, it does not hurt as much to think of him anymore. Her kids brighten up her days, and she hates that she has to be in Alicante often with only her husband, because she misses them. She tries to stay home as much as possible, but sometimes, that is impossible. She cannot help but feel that she misses things when she's gone. Sometimes, she knows she does. She is not there when Max learns how to write his name, or when Isabelle first figures out how to sneak out of the Institute, or when Alec is first Marked, or when Jace is injured by a demon and is stuck in the Infirmary for days. Maryse feels horrible when things like that happen without her around, but she can't help it. Many times, she is there. She doesn't sleep for a week when Jace is sick with a 104' degree fever. She pushes Alec for two hours straight until he can shoot an arrow perfectly in the middle, and then takes him out to dinner when he does. She talks Isabelle, for the first and last time, out of dating a boy. She figures out that the reason Max isn't doing his schoolwork is because he is far-sighted, and desperately needs glasses.

Sometimes, she feels like a great mother. Others, she feels like a horrible one.

One day, about a week after she and Robert return from a trip to Alicante, she goes looking for her children so she can watch them train while she taking a break from her work. She heads up to the training room, but passes by Alec's room first, and is alarmed when she hears gasping pants coming from it. She opens the door.

Alec is sitting on his bed, hunched over and choking on his breaths, tears slowly falling down his cheeks. He doesn't seem to notice she has entered the room, and he wraps his arms around himself and rocks back and forth.

Maryse doesn't remember the last time she has been so terrified.

"Alec!" She calls. He nearly jumps off his bed when she speaks, and when he sees it is her, he desperately tries to wipe his eyes. Maryse walks up quickly and kneels down next to him.

"What's wrong?" She says gently, but she almost shouts, she's so scared. He shakes his head.

"Nothing," he mumbles, not looking at her, tears still falling down his pale cheeks.

"Alec, baby, you know you can tell me—" she starts to say as she places her hand on his shoulder, but he flinches so badly when she does that she stops speaking. It shocks her.

He is scared of her. Alec is scared of her. Her _fourteen year old_ is scared of her.

"Alexander," she whispers into his hair, "you have to tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing," he says again, rocking back and forth again. "Nothing, nothing, nothing…"

Maryse is so terrified she can barely speak, but she can tell Alec is near hysteria now, and she carefully puts her arms around him. He doesn't return her hug, but he doesn't move away either, so she holds him as he continues his mantra and strokes his hair. He eventually stops talking and just cries, and Maryse finds that she is crying too and she so wants to know who did this to her baby so she can kill them. Anyone who dare make one of her little ones cry deserves to be punished.

Her fear is steadily turning into a burning rage, and when she feels Alec fall asleep, she carefully tucks him into bed, wipes the tearstains off his face, kisses his forehead gently, and then leaves to confront her number one suspect.

"What did you do to Alec?" She nearly yells at Robert, leaning across his desk and glaring at him.

Robert looks up at her in shock. "What are you talking about?"

Maryse is breathing heavily. "Alec just about had a nervous breakdown on my shoulder and I don't know why. Did you say something to him about our marriage? Did you lie to him about something or scare him? Because if you did, Robert, I swear to God, I will kill you—"

"Why are you first to blame me?" Robert answered, shouting. "I didn't do anything to him, Maryse. I wouldn't lie about that, and you know it. Can you ever not blame me? How do you know you didn't do something?"

Maryse wants to call him a hypocrite for what he said about blaming him, or say that he's lied to her plenty, or deny ever doing anything do Alec, but she can't. She does blame him as much as he blames her, he has never outwardly lied to her, just done things behind her back, and she doesn't know if she's ever done something to scare Alec and it frightens her.

"He's probably crying over not winning a fight with Isabelle and Jace," Robert says bitterly, "He needs to learn to grow up. He's not a baby anymore. None of them are."

Though Maryse knows Robert didn't do anything to Alec, she still wants to throw something at him.

"You're an asshole," she says, and leaves the room.

She goes to Hodge next, and tries not to be so angry this time, but instead, he responds to her with irritation.

"How am I supposed to know any better than you do, Maryse?" He says, throwing down a book. "He's your son, not mine. You figure it out."

She leaves him in a rage too.

Maryse even tries asking Isabelle and Jace, but they just look confused and tell her they haven't seen Alec all day. They have no clue what could be going on with him.

Maryse finally gives up. She's tried everyone Alec sees on a daily basis, and she still can't figure out what's wrong with him. She ends up going back into his room and sitting vigil by his bed, stroking back his dark hair and thinking. She doesn't sleep at all that night.

Later on, Alec wakes up and acts as though nothing has happened, but Maryse knows something's wrong, and she can't shake the emotion she felt when he flinched away from her. Maryse tries to forget it, but that is when she discovers, for the first but certainly not the last time, that mothers never forget.

* * *

She doesn't bring the children to Alicante often, and when she does, it's only for a special occasion.

The Consul is holding a Christmas party for the first time since the Uprising, and it seems that he is trying to rally everyone back together as one Clave. He invites them all, including the children. Maryse believes it to be a good idea to go and show her children Idris again, so she packs up her kids and takes them to the Penhallow's house in Alicante, as Jia and Patrick won't be in town this winter, and they had graciously offered their home.

They plan to spend a week in Alicante, so the children can see the main city of the Clave again and so they can be present for the party on the last night there before they return home for Christmas morning. It seems perfect, but as the week wares on, Maryse wishes they had only come for one day, or not at all. She finds it difficult at any time to keep track of four children, three of them teenagers, and this is Christmastime in an unknown city. Maryse finds herself exhausted. Also, her husband is never there to help her because he's off with _her_, and it pains Maryse to think about that at all. By the end of the week, Maryse wants more than anything to go home.

They show up at the party all together, but Robert walks off not that far into the night. Maryse instructs Alec, Jace, Isabelle, and Max to stay near her, and they actually obey. There weren't that many other children there anyway, and they know none of them. It is also incredibly evident that all of them are exhausted from this week. Even Isabelle and Jace, who hardly ever run out of energy, look about ready to go home and sleep. The children stay quiet when anyone comes up to talk to Maryse, which is not that often and never for that long, as the majority of Maryse's old friends are dead and the others not present. They do, however, make quiet comments whenever they are alone, and Maryse is smiling for the first time that week. Her children, if anything, are hysterical. She struggles to hold in her laughs and scold them when it goes too far. The subject of their commentary changes by the minute, from a woman's hat that Alec describes as 'what Church would look like if he went through the washing machine with glue on' to the group of older men sitting around smoking who Isabelle calls 'pedophiles with lung cancer' and finally the woman serving food in a cocktail dress that Jace has the audacity to christen 'cooking with cleavage.' Maryse slaps him around the head for that one. Eventually, they get onto the subject of how bored they were, and Maryse finds she is tired of this game.

"Kill me now," Alec mutters. He runs his hand once again through his already messed up hair and rubs his eyes.

"Alexander," Maryse warns her eldest as she gives yet another fake smile to a person she can't remember the name of across the room.

"I agree," Isabelle says, playing with the hem of her dress, "Hodge's history classes are less boring than this, and I hate that class so much that I nearly take my book everyday and shove it up my—"

"Isabelle Sophia," Maryse interrupts, giving her the death glare. She waits for Jace to join in once again, but he doesn't. He is standing next to Max, and the two of them both look nearly dead on their feet. That alone is enough for her.

"Alright," she says, picking up Max. He puts his small head on her shoulder, worn out. She kisses his head, puts a hand on Jace's shoulder, and tells them, "We're going home. Let's find your father and—"

She is turning around as she talks, but she stops because she finds her husband. Talking very closely to a woman. A woman who was neither her nor _her_.

"Come on," Maryse says bitterly, turning back around and starting to walk out of the room. She has to leave or she might just have to use one of the various decretory weapons hanging on the wall to kill someone.

"But, I thought we were waiting for Dad," Alec says, confused.

"I, um, I forgot," she replies, making up a story, "He is supposed to go to a special meeting with the Consul after the party. We'll see him later. Come on."

She starts walking, but soon realizes that she only has two boys following her, and no girl.

"Isabelle," she declares, not turning around, "We are leaving. Let's go."

Isabelle joins them slowly, and Maryse walks them all out of the house, to a Portal, and sends them all to bed before slouching into a chair in the kitchen and poring herself a large glass of wine.

* * *

"Mom," Isabelle says, standing in the doorway to Maryse's office, "Can I come in?"

Maryse looks up from her papers and looks at her daughter. She appears anxious, her dark eyes staring at her worriedly. "Of course, Izzy," Maryse says, smiling at her uncomfortably. She is inwardly sighing. She hopes to Raziel this isn't another boy problem.

Isabelle sits across from her, and stares at her feet. She sighs. "Mom, I have to ask you something."

Maryse is praying with all her might that she doesn't have to do the talk again. "Alright, go on."

Isabelle is silent for a moment before blurting out, "Why is Dad never here?"

Maryse's stomach drops and her smile disappears. She feels shock flood through her veins as she tries to cover it up. "Isabelle, he is busy, you know—"

"You're never busy," Isabelle says, interrupting her, "You're always here except when you have Clave meetings, and that's about once every three months. He's hardly ever here. And don't give me some crap about how he has a bigger job or whatever. The Mom I know would never let someone have a job not equal hers. Not to mention," she intakes a breath, whispering, "I saw him with that woman, Mommy. I want the truth."

Isabelle hasn't called her Mommy since she was five, and it makes Maryse finally crack.

"Why didn't you just…leave him?" Isabelle asks after Maryse tells her.

Maryse swallows a lump in her throat. "I…I couldn't do that to you or Alec. And I much less can't do it now, with four of you. You need your father—"

"Oh, spare me, Mom," Isabelle snaps, "We don't need him. He's hardly here, anyway, only comes around to hug me and ruffle the boys hair about once a day, if even. What's the real reason?"

Maryse can't say it. She can't explain to her daughter why she can't leave. She just can't.

"Oh my God," Isabelle knows, "You're…you're still in love with him? Even after he did this to you? Or…at least you think you're still in love with him…" Tears pour out onto Isabelle's cheeks quickly, and Maryse feels water build up in her eyes as well.

"Izzy," she whispers, "Sweetheart…"

Isabelle stands up, shaking her head in disbelief. "He is such an jackass!" She sobs, and she runs out of the room.

Maryse lays her head on her desk and dissolves into tears as well.

The first person she ever told of her husband's adultery is her thirteen-year-old daughter. What kind of person does that?

Later, Maryse goes to Isabelle's room and sits on her bed as Isabelle lies with her back to her mother. Maryse reaches over and strokes her hair.

"I'm so sorry," Maryse whispers, almost thinking she's fallen asleep, when Isabelle grabs her hand and pulls her into bed with her. Maryse puts her arms around her daughter and pulls her close. Isabelle rests her head on Maryse's chest and rubs her mother's arm. They both fall asleep.

It's the best sleep Maryse has had in a long time.

* * *

Maryse does not believe it when she first hears it, because it cannot possibly be true.

Jace cannot be Valentine Morgenstern's son.

He is nothing like Valentine. Jace has always given off a warm aura with his looks, while Valentine had a cold one from the beginning. Jace may joke, but he's a good boy, a smart fighter. He's her child- he cannot possibly be Valentine's.

And yet, many times Jace is arrogant and intolerant. He holds himself in the way Valentine always did, with extreme pride and determination. Most of all, Maryse remembers the scars on Jace she had noticed when he first came here. Even if she hadn't liked Michael Wayland, he would have never done that to his son. Valentine, on the other hand, would have.

She has been housing and raising and loving Valentine Morgenstern's child for seven years.

She wants to hate Jace. She already hates Valentine, so she can't hate him more for the new constant watch on her family, or for the suspicious moving around Idris. Jace, however, she could hate. She could tell herself he knew, that he was hiding this from her all these years, that he has been betraying her and her children while they took care of him and loved him. She tries to blame him. She tries to hate him.

She can't hate him, though, and it terrifies her. She loves Jace, has loved him since he walked out of that Portal and into her heart. She can't help it, and it frightens her so much because she finds herself afraid that Jace will leave her as his father did, as her brother did, as Robert did, and Maryse will again be left with a broken heart. That can't happen.

Maryse builds a shield around herself when she questions Jace. Part of her wants to believe that everything he says is a lie, like everything Valentine said was a lie, but, again, she cannot. Jace had never been one to lie. He did not know Valentine was his father, he did not betray her, he did not try to hurt her. He's just a child. _But he's not her child_, she tells herself. _As much as it seems, he's not her child. _

Her plans don't change though. The suspicions were so bad in Idris that Imogen Herondale had been called into interrogate, which was bound to not go in Jace and Maryse's favor. Imogen held a grudge against Maryse and Robert over being in the Circle, and she hated Valentine with all her heart since she blamed Stephen's death on him. Jace was not getting out of this easily. With his parentage, he would be lucky to get out as a mundane. There is no telling what kind of revenge Imogen would love to have against Valentine.

She has to order Jace to leave, to protect him, and to protect herself. He can't be here when Imogen is here. He can't break her heart. She won't let him.

"You have to leave," Maryse says as coldly as she can, not looking Jace in the eye, "It would be better if you left."

Jace exhales a breath, and Maryse can't help but look at him. From an outsider, he would seem normal- collected, but normal- but Maryse knows better. She can see the crushed look in his eyes, and she wishes with all her might that she can take back what she said, just so she never has to see him like that. She can't, though. He won't leave unless he thinks she wants him to, and part of her does want him to.

"Okay," Jace replies easily, "I…I guess I'll go to my sister's…"

Maryse thanks the Angel for a moment that Jocelyn Morgenstern had another child and another home, so she can know she not leaving Jace out on the streets.

"Alright," Maryse sighs. She takes his keys away and he turns around and leaves. As upset as she is, she can't bear to watch him go.

* * *

She is furious when he returns, in tow with Lucian Graymark and Clarissa Morgenstern, but not nearly as furious as she is when Imogen Herondale throws Jace in prison.

Maryse tries to explain to Jace why he needs to leave, why he can't stay here, why she doesn't want him here, and Lucian proves her wrong and tells Jace to stay and talk willingly to the Inquisitor. Lucian, who is now a Downworlder and living with Jocelyn Morgenstern and her daughter, is the one Jace listens to, and even though Lucian is right, Maryse can't help but be angry with him. He's the one who convinced Jace to come back, he's the one who is making this more complicated, he's the one who is confusing Maryse more and more with the decisions she's making. She wants Jace to be safe, but she's scared to come close to him, and she doesn't know what she's doing. Having Lucian Graymark outsmart her and try to parent the boy she's parented for seven years was not on her list of things to do.

Lucian and Clarissa leave, and Imogen Herondale arrives, as cold and stern as she's been since Stephen died. Maryse wants to chide Jace into not saying anything stupid in front of the woman, but by the time she does, it's too late. Imogen Herondale is going to hate Jace no matter what, but once he tries to smart her, Maryse knows there is no hope left. Imogen is going to punish Jace, and there is no stopping it.

"I'm sending you to the prisons of the Silent City. After a night there I suspect you'll be a great deal more cooperative," Imogen tells Jace, and Maryse's heart falls to her stomach.

_He's just a child_, Maryse's mind is screaming. _He's just a child, he didn't do anything. Don't do this to him. He's my child. _

Maryse shakes her head and tries to rewire her thoughts.

She wants to kill Imogen. She wants to tell Jace to run. She wants Jace to go with Imogen. She wants him to leave.

She doesn't know what she wants anymore.

Imogen turns to Maryse with a cool look before leaving.

"I would watch my back if I were you, Maryse Lightwood," she says quietly, and Maryse feels for the first time that Imogen is not carefully choosing her words and glossing them over. "You think the only thing that will break your heart is a man until you're a mother. Then you know the truth." Imogen gives her a look before shaking her head and walking out of the room.

Maryse wants to tell her she knows this already, but she doesn't.

* * *

Maryse feels many things when they arrive at the Silent City that night.

She's terrified, because something in there was able to kill the Silent Brothers, and no one knows what it is. She's pissed, because, of course, it's Alec and Isabelle who came to the City, _of course _her children were in there first, and of course, Imogen is ready to yet again point fingers at Maryse's family. She feels terrible, because Jace is lying on the ground, delirious and in pain, and she is doing nothing to help him, and then she wants to hit herself over the head because _he's not her child, _and she still wants him to be.

She offers to pay for Magnus Bane to treat him, and then she leaves without another look at Jace. She finds it easier this way.

* * *

Imogen is beyond angry when she finds that Jace went to Valentine's boat.

Maryse is just heartbroken, because she was right.

Imogen takes her and Robert and Isabelle to Lucian Graymark's house. Maryse dreads it the whole way there. She doesn't want to see Jace, and yet, she can't bear if this is the last time she has with him.

Maryse hates the way he pales when he sees them. She hates that he's not comfortable around her anymore. Maryse hates the look he has on his face when Imogen says they discovered that he went and visited Valentine. She hates that he would betray them. She hates this. She can't stand this.

She wants to trust Jace. She wants to protect herself.

She knows Imogen is going to take him away. She's not going to stop her.

"If the boy went to his father, knowing the kind of father Valentine is, it is because we failed him, not because he failed us," Lucian says, staring at Imogen after she tells them what she is planning to do.

Maryse flinches. She knows Lucian is right, she knows she failed Jace, but she can't do anything. She refuses to be hurt again by someone she loves.

When she turns to leave though, Robert stops her.

"You're just going to let her take him?" Robert whispers, astonished.

"It's the Law, Robert, I thought you'd agree with me on something like this," Maryse murmurs back angrily, not looking at her husband.

"Yes, Maryse, but he's part of our family," Robert replies.

Maryse stares at him. Robert has hardly ever been fatherly towards Alec, Isabelle, and Max, let alone Jace. Why would he be more passionate about saving their children than her?

Yet, Maryse remembers when Robert used to come to the training room in the Institute and pretend to drill Jace in hand-to-hand, where really, it was obvious they were joking around. She remembers Isabelle's twelfth birthday where Robert had given her the whip and he carefully instructed her and Jace in using it. She remembers when he took Alec and Jace out in the woods outside Alicante and they came back soaking wet and smiling. She remembers the proud look on his face when Alec and Jace became parabatai. She thinks about how he, instead of she, just defended the children.

Robert may not love her anymore, but he's always loved the children. He may not have been around, but he doesn't want to lose Jace.

Maryse does not think they're able to not lose him anymore.

In the end, they're forced to follow Imogen, who is following a handcuffed Jace, out the door.

* * *

She hasn't seen Valentine in seventeen years, but the overwhelming emotions that hit her when she sees him take her by surprise.

She's frightened, as some part of this man had always been disturbing. She's lost, because this man is on the long list of men who have failed her. Mostly, though, she's pissed, because this man destroyed her life, ruined her marriage, killed her friends, and is threatening to do it all over again.

Imogen wants to give Jace over to Valentine, and Maryse is terrified, because Jace cannot go back to this man. Even if Jace is loyal and good, Valentine will find some reason to hurt him again, and Maryse won't be there to fix him. _He's Valentine's son, though, _Maryse thinks. _He should be with his father. He doesn't belong to me. _

She is not surprised when Valentine denies Imogen's proposal. Valentine isn't one to play a game that he has not created, and this game is definitely not up is alley. Valentine never does anything for anyone else- he works in his favor, bringing everyone down as he rises up. It doesn't matter that Jace is his son. He would gladly give up his child to his own benefit. Maryse had tried to tell Imogen this, but of course, the woman wouldn't listen, and now it's come to bite her in the butt.

"Children make their own choices," Valentine tells Imogen, as if this is a good enough reason to why he won't save his son. The excuse is once someone is not on your side anymore; you don't protect them, no matter who they are. Once someone leaves you, you don't follow them, even if they will die if you don't. Someone is not your responsibility once they've run off, no matter who it is.

Valentine's sentence hits Maryse hard, because she cannot agree with a word he says.

She can't abandon the ones she loves. Even if they've left her, she will always answer their calls if they need her. Her strength and weakness at many times is the fact that when she loves, she loves unconditionally.

Her brother ran away from her as a young child, and she still loves him. Her husband cheated on her, and she still believes she loves him. She never loved Valentine- she admired, and admiration fades in a way unconditional love can't.

She will always love her children; no matter if they turn their backs on her or do something she doesn't approve of or run away. It doesn't matter what happens- they are her children, and she loves them no matter what.

Jace _is _her child. He has been her child since he first came to her, and Maryse has never stopped loving him since. To her, it shouldn't matter if he's Jonathon Wayland or Jonathon Morgenstern or anyone, because he's her Jace, the little boy who she held in her arms for the first time so many years ago, the teenager who could make her laugh until she cried, the young man who has gone to Hell and back and is still fighting. He's as much as hers as Alec or Isabelle or Max, and she can never leave one of her children.

Except she has, and now, because of her mistakes, Valentine is going to destroy them all again.

Maryse can't let that happen.

She feels young again as she yells as Imogen. Maryse, even in the fear, enjoys being right, and she can't help but be proud that she was correct and Imogen was wrong. She feels fearless again when she quickly makes a plan, working together with Robert for the first time in years since they are finally again fighting for the same cause and instructing their children to prepare for battle. She feels like herself again when she tells Imogen to get _her _son out of that cage.

* * *

He is packing his stuff. He thinks she doesn't want him here.

She's going to lose him.

"Don't leave," she tells Jace, and she hears her voice crack. "If you want to stay—"

"I don't want to stay," Jace snaps, not meeting her eyes, "I don't belong here."

Her heart sinks. He's leaving her. Her child is leaving her and she can't blame him after the horrible way she's treated him the last few days.

"Where will you go?" She asks him.

"Luke's." Maryse can't help but flinch, because she again feels awful that Lucian, who has stepped into Jace's life not a month ago, is being a better parent towards him than Maryse has been recently. "For awhile. After that, I don't know. Maybe Idris."

"Is that where you think you belong?" Maryse murmurs.

Jace pauses his packing, and answers in a small voice, "I don't know where I belong." She would do anything to get rid of that scared voice he's using, She wants more than anything to gather Jace in her arms, so then maybe he would know _that_ is exactly where he belongs.

"With your family," Maryse says instead, "With us."

"You threw me out," Jace replies bitterly, and Maryse feels terrible all over again. He pauses and turns towards her, his voice calmer. "I'm sorry." _He shouldn't be_. "About everything that's happened." _He did nothing wrong_. "But you didn't want me before and I can't imagine you want me now." _She's always wanted him, and that's what scared her the most._ "Robert's going to be sick for awhile; you'll be needing to take care of him." _Robert doesn't want her to take care of him_. "I'll just be in the way." _Jace could never be in the way._

She tries to tell him that Robert needs him, that Alec and Isabelle and Max need him. She wants to tell him she needs him.

She tries to explain to him why she did what she did, why she hurt him, why she wouldn't blame him if he wanted to walk out of this house and never come back but how she wouldn't be able to bear it if he did.

"You thought I was someone else," Jace tells her.

"No," Maryse says, looking at Jace and again seeing her small, exhausted, smiling golden eyed ten year old. "I've always known just who you are. Ever since the first time I saw you getting out of the Portal from Idris, when you were ten years old- you walked into my heart, just as my own children did when they were born," she admits. " You can't understand. You've never been a parent. You never love anything like you love your children. And nothing can make you angrier.

He jokes, but she hardly hears it.

"I don't expect you to forgive me," Maryse adds, ashamed for hurting Jace, for believing others when she should have been listening to her screaming heart and her abandoned son. "But if you'd stay for Isabelle and Alec and Max, I'd be so grateful—"

She knows it is stupid as soon as she says it. "I don't want your gratitude." He zips the bag, and Maryse knows she's now actually lost him.

She finds herself closing her eyes and murmuring the French lullaby. She has sung it to him in the nights when she held him after nightmares and when he was sick and when she was hurting, and she needed to be close to all her children. It's something she shared with him that he never knew about. If he's leaving, she wants to send him on his way with it.

"You were wrong that I never sang it to you. It's just that you never heard it."

Jace stares at her for a moment, his gold eyes shining in the way they do when he's proud of himself or laughing with Alec and Isabelle or showing Max something or looking at Clarissa or hugging Maryse before she leaves for Idris. She never realized before that it was love.

He unzips the bag, and she knows he's not going anywhere but into her arms, where she gathers him closely.

"I'm sorry, " she whispers into his soft curls, stroking his back.

"It's alright," he replies, resting his head on her shoulder.

She kisses his temple, and tells him she loves him, and, not much to her surprise, because as a mother she knows that as some things will change while others will always be the same, he again falls asleep on her shoulder as he did all those years before when she first discovered her fourth child in him.

* * *

Alicante is literally a madhouse when Maryse and her family arrive, in tow with the vampire. Maryse is suddenly, again, the center of attention, because her children somehow smuggled an injured Night Child into the city, and she hates it. She is stressed out way more than necessary with Simon Lewis here, since her oldest son is joining the Clave for the first time and her second son is being noted everywhere as a child of Valentine already. Not to mention, whenever in Alicante, Maryse can't help but watch as her husband leaves for extended periods of time. She knows it happens, but Maryse feels worse whenever she has to sit by and know exactly when her husband is off with another woman. She is not having a good time in Alicante.

"Mom," a small voice says a few days into their visit. Maryse is about to leave with Alec for a full day of Clave meetings.

"What, Max?" Maryse asks, packing her bag up. She feels exhausted- she didn't get home until late the night before with Jia Penhallow and Jace and Sebastian had been missing, so Maryse had forced herself to wait until they returned home to go to bed herself. She really does not want to be in a meeting all day, and she doesn't want to hear people talk about her. She is irritated and tired.

"Can we read my book now?" Max asks, looking up at her with big blue eyes. "You said we would the other day but you had to leave then."

Maryse sighs and rubs her eyes. "Max, I'm sorry. I have to go to the Clave meeting now with your brother. We'll read it later, I promise. Okay?"

Max looks down at the floor, holding his book to his chest. She hates the disappointed look on his face. "Okay," he mumbles back.

Maryse forces a smile for him. "Thank you, love." She quickly kisses his head and calls for Alec. "I'll be home tonight, and we'll read then."

She never does get to read that book to him.

* * *

She panics when she hears the wards have broken.

The Clave leaders are in a flurry, trying to calm down the members and think of a plan, but Maryse doesn't care, because _her children are down there and she has to get to them. _

She runs out of the Accords Hall, and to her surprise again, Robert follows quickly behind her. They race through the dark streets, avoiding demons as best as they can to reach the Penhallow's house. The city is in flames, there are cries and screams everywhere, and bodies litter the street. _This is our world falling apart, _Maryse thinks.

She pushes the door of the house open with a bang and stops panicking for a moment, because the house is totally still. She looks over to Robert.

"Do you think they left?" Maryse asks.

"Let's look around," Robert replies, pushing past her and into the house, his eyes scanning over everything. Though she resents the way he's been towards her all these years while she loved him, Maryse can't help but think that this is why she fell in love with Robert, why she is still in love with him now. He is passionate about everything, and everything he does he does to his best ability.

She looks around as well, but soon she starts to think there is nothing to find. She heads into the kitchen last, and stops immediately.

"Robert!" She screams, because their daughter is on the floor with a pool of blood around her head and she's not moving. Maryse falls to her knees and brings her hand to Isabelle's chest, hoping with all her soul that there is something there.

Isabelle takes a big breath in, and Maryse nearly cries with relief.

Robert is already on the other side of Isabelle, and is drawing an _iratze _on their daughter's wrist. Isabelle's pale coloring starts to pink up, and she coughs, her eyes opening.

"Mom?" Isabelle asks dazedly, her eyes cloudy.

"Oh, thank Raziel," Maryse says, tears falling onto her cheeks, "Izzy, are you alright?"

"My head really hurts," she mumbles, closing her eyes. Even with the _iratze, _her wound hasn't stopped bleeding, and Maryse starts to worry again.

"I'll go get something to stop the bleeding," Robert tells her, standing up, "Isabelle, don't fall asleep."

Maryse silently thanks her husband before stroking Isabelle's hair out of her eyes. "Sweetheart, what happened? Where are your brothers?"

"Jace has been gone all day…I don't know where he went…Alec went to go look for you, I think, he told me to stay here…and Max—"

They hear a thud, and Robert calls in a choked voice, "Maryse."

Her heart stops.

She forces herself to stand up and walk into the hallway. Robert sits in the middle, the closet door sprung open. In his arms, almost looking asleep, but Maryse knows the moment she sees him that he's not, that something is horribly wrong, is her baby.

Max.

She trembles as she approaches them, and then she quickly sits on the ground, touching Max's hair, feeling for a pulse that isn't there for some reason, waiting for him to open his eyes, because her baby cannot possibly be dead. He is so full of life, so innocent with his lively blue eyes and want of pleasing and sweetness. There is no way he is gone, gone before her, and yet…he is.

Her littlest one is dead. Her baby is murdered. He didn't do anything. He hasn't lived at all. He is just a little boy. He is just her little boy.

She gathers his body into her arms and doesn't let go.

* * *

Maryse has always hated funerals. This is the worst.

_Imogen Herondale was right, _Maryse thinks, not tearing her eyes from Max's pyre. _Nothing breaks your heart more than your children. Nothing can compare to this. _

She stands away from Robert, who she can't even bring herself to look at. They haven't spoken a word since they had discovered Max in that closet. Their child is dead and they can't even look to each other for comfort for that.

Jace and Alec are on either side of her, and she grasps each of their hands. The feeling of grief is overwhelming. Alec's hand shakes in hers, and though he is not now, she knows he's been crying. Jace's hand is still, and he looks at the ground, not even able to bring himself to look at Max's pyre. The difference of the sadness in her boys somewhat amazes Maryse. Alec wants to be strong until he can be alone, but he is obviously close to breaking. Jace doesn't feel he deserves to grieve, or maybe he's scared to, because then he will realize that Max really is gone, and he's not coming back. Jace feels it's his fault, and Maryse can tell. Maryse thinks they all believe it was their fault.

Isabelle even refused to come from the belief of her fault. Maryse tried to talk her into coming out if her room, to say goodbye to her brother, but Isabelle would have none of it. Maryse has a flashback of when her own brother left, and Maryse had locked herself in her room, refusing to watch as he left her for some mundane girl. Isabelle and she are very much the same. Yet, they are also very different, as Maryse had locked herself in out of selfishness, and Isabelle had locked herself in out of guilt.

The ceremony ends, but Maryse can't bring herself to leave.

"Jace, Alec," she murmurs to the boys, her voice cracking, "You should go back to the Penhallow's. Rest up. I…I need to be here a little while longer."

"Alright," Alec sighs, and Jace nods. Maryse squeezes both of their hands before they leave.

She is left standing alone with Robert, staring at their youngest child's grave.

They are silent for a long while, not moving at all. She knows she'll have to talk to him eventually. She knows she has to say something. She knows what she wants to say to someone, and the only person she can think to tell it to is Robert, because he is the one who deserves to hear it.

"Maryse, I—" Robert starts, trying to talk to her.

"You know, when I was twelve," Maryse interrupts, not moving her gaze from Max's pyre, "I used to think the worst day of my life was when my brother left. I thought that life couldn't get any worse than that day, because the worst thing that could happen to me was my brother leaving me."

"But I was wrong there, because then I discovered that the worst day of my life had to be when I discovered my husband didn't love me anymore." She can feel tears in her eyes, and she doesn't even try to stop them from spilling over. "Because I loved you, and you didn't want me anymore. You resented me. I wasn't good enough anymore. That, I had thought, must be the worst feeling in the world."

"Maryse—" Robert tries again, but Maryse stops him.

"But, again, I was wrong," she says, her voice cracking as she starts to tremble with cries, "Because today is the worst day of my life. _This_, this is the worst I have ever felt."

"Maryse—" Robert replies in distress.

"He's dead," Maryse sobs, and Robert is crying too, and she feels like her entire world must have finally fallen apart. "He was so little, he shouldn't have, he, he…"

She can't stop her cries now, and Robert pulls her to him. Somehow, even with everything that's happened between the two of them, they can still only break down in front of each other.

They stand there and cry for the breaks in their marriage and for the loss of the child that was the reason for staying together.

* * *

She is preparing for battle when she find out.

The Clave has decided to fight, and Maryse is thankful, because she wants revenge, she wants safety, and more than anything, she wants to go home with her children. They have also chose to listen to little Clarissa Morgenstern, who wants the Downworlders and Shadowhunters to work together for the first time as even partners. Maryse, though skeptical of the plan at first, realizes that the girl is right. This stupid fight between the Nephium and Downworlders needs to end if anyone wants a chance at beating Valentine. Maryse can't help but admire the child- she stood up as an outsider and daughter of the enemy and managed to get everyone on her side. Clarissa is definitely her mother's daughter, and has twice the spunk Jocelyn ever had. If she gets the chance, she's going to make an excellent Shadowhunter.

Maryse is looking for a Downworlder to pair with to make the Marks when she hears someone call for her.

"Maryse!" Maryse turns around and sees Jocelyn Morgenstern running towards her. In many ways, she looks the same as she did seventeen years ago, with her fiery red hair and the determined look on her face, but stress has aged her, and she looks so much older.

"Jocelyn," Maryse replies, giving her a small smile, "I'm glad to see you have woken up."

"Thank you, but Maryse, I have to tell you something," Jocelyn says.

Maryse looks around at the army forming with Marks being placed on everyone. "Is this really the time, Jocelyn?"

"You should know, before all this happens," Jocelyn murmurs, giving her a look, "It's about Jace."

This stops Maryse. "What about Jace?"

Jocelyn looks around and takes Maryse's hand. "Come on, let's sit down."

When Jocelyn finally tells her, Maryse finds herself in shock.

"He's _Stephen's_ son?" Maryse asks in amazement. Maryse can't believe it, and part of her wants to ask Jocelyn that she is absolutely sure, because this is the second time that someone has told her that her son is not who she thinks he is.

"Yes," Jocelyn replies, "He was raised by Valentine, of course, but Valentine took him from Celine when they found her body. He is not my son."

Maryse still finds it shocking, but it does make a lot of sense. Jace, though he shares some qualities with Valentine from living with him for ten years, looks little like Valentine. Valentine has stunningly light blonde hair and stunningly dark eyes and is stunningly tall and generally looks, though handsome, stunningly odd. Jace, however, is very handsome but warm, not extremely tall for a seventeen year old, and has golden hair and eyes. However, now that Maryse thinks about it, Jace looks so much like Stephen and Celine that she can't believe that she never thought of it before. Jace has Stephen's blonde hair and Celine's curls. He has Celine's eyes; he has Stephen's smile. Jace is the perfect combination of the two of them.

Not to mention, though in many ways Jace is similar to Valentine, Jace has a totally different personality, and it in many ways resembles Stephen's. Jace, though sarcastic and arrogant, is genuinely good at heart, just as Stephen was and Valentine isn't. Jace thinks of others before he thinks of himself; Valentine only works for his benefits. Jace doesn't share himself to everyone and very much has a gloss that he uses to protect himself from hurting; Stephen too had a gloss. It was different, using extreme kindness instead of extreme pride to hide behind, but it shows that even though Jace never knew him, Jace is very much Stephen's son.

Maryse thanks Jocelyn for telling her and wishes her luck before going to find Robert. He deserves to know this too, as do Alec and Isabelle. She would want to find Jace, but he left last night and though she is extremely worried, she tells herself that he's fine, he's a fighter, he's nearly grown. He'll be back when he's ready. For now, though, she has three others to tell, and Robert should know first.

She meets him. "Robert."

He's not looking at her- he's scanning the room, looking for someone. "What Maryse?"

"Robert, I have to tell you something," Maryse replies.

Robert turns to look at her but stops, his eyes wide and full of shock. Maryse stops, and hopes to God that nothing happened to Jace, or that Alec or Isabelle are not hurt, and then she dares to turn.

Robert is staring at Alec, who is kissing a warlock, but not just any warlock. He's kissing Magnus Bane in the middle of the Accords Hall. He's kissing a _boy._

Maryse thinks her heart stops before it is filled with feelings of shock, guilt, and panic. She can't believe what she is seeing. She can't believe it's happening. She can't believe she _didn't know._

She doesn't know if it's an accident or if they know each other well enough that it just happens, but she and Robert meet eyes at the exact same time. His eyes are hard, but obviously still in shock, and for a moment he's not the man who cheated on her or even her husband, but Alec's father.

_What did we do wrong? _ His eyes are screaming at her.

_Nothing, _she wants to tell him, _nothing._

She did not know. How did she not know? Sure, Alec had never been interested in girls before, but she always assumed that was because he was shy. Alec isn't shy now- he's a man, a strong, brave adult who she doesn't understand and doesn't know anymore. She looks at him and she can't find the stunningly shy little boy that she swears he was the last time she looked.

No one in the Shadowhunter world is really accepting of different, and Maryse has grown to listen to that rule. Different in odd ways was bad, different was wrong, different was not something you wanted to be unless it was a good difference, like being extremely smart or extremely strong. Alec is different, and she doesn't understand his attraction to men at all. She doesn't get why he's looking at this Magnus Bane the way she used to look at Robert. It doesn't make any sense to her, because men should be attracted to women. That's the way things are.

_It must just be a phase, _she tells herself, but she doesn't know whether or not to believe herself, because, in a weird sort of way, it does make sense. Alec had never been with a girl, and he was always anxious when any talk of him having one came up. He was quiet about himself, didn't talk about what he wanted or needed. Maryse suddenly has a flashback to that day she found him crying in his room, not answering her questions. He _had_ been scared of her, but because he couldn't tell her what was wrong with him. Alec had been scared to tell her.

She, once again, feels like a terrible mother.

* * *

They win the battle, and Maryse is not surprised. Working alongside Downworlders as one for the first time made them win, and though Maryse is still trying to get used to the idea, it gives her hope for the future as well.

Maryse finds herself exhausted, though, from everything that's been happening, with Jace in the hospital and the loss of Max and Alec's secret reveled. It's been a long week, a stressful week, and Maryse is ready to go home.

The Clave decides to throw a huge party, though, and Maryse cannot tell her children to just leave. She allows them to stay, and she finds herself in a long black dress by the Accords Hall in Alicante by herself, preparing for fireworks.

"Hey," someone calls from behind her, and Maryse turns to find Jocelyn walking towards her. She's in a simple blue dress and heels, and she smiles as she comes close to Maryse.

"Hello," Maryse replies. Jocelyn stands next to her. "I hear you and Lucian are together."

Jocelyn gives a small smile, but she has a look of adoration on her face that totally gives her away. "Yeah. Took me long enough, I guess."

"You guess?" Maryse smirks. "He's been in love with you since you were thirteen, and _everyone _but you realized it."

"Yeah, well, I never was good with men," Jocelyn replies, somewhat bitterly, and then sighs. "But I didn't come over here to talk about myself. How are you?"

Maryse takes a deep breath in. How is she doing? "I'm…I'm holding up. It's been a bad week."

"I heard about your little boy," Jocelyn says softly, "I'm terribly sorry."

Maryse nods. "It's been…bad, without him. Not to mention with everything else going on…" Maryse closes her eyes before gazing at Jocelyn. "Were…were you surprised, when you saw your daughter again?"

Jocelyn looks away from her and stares to the distance. "I never wanted this life for her. I wanted her to be a little, innocent girl forever with a simple, happy life. But, since Clary is Clary, she found my secret when I couldn't stop her. And I wake up and the first time I see her she's dressed in Shadowhunting uniform and she looks like she's seen Hell and come back to tell the tale, and it's my worst nightmare, because I was certain this wasn't what I wanted for my little girl, but I can't help and be so proud of her at the same time," Jocelyn sighs, and then looks back at Maryse again. "This is about your oldest, right? I saw him."

Maryse nods. "I was certain that just a minute ago he was hiding behind my knees when people came to stay at the Institute, and then I turn around and he's this totally different person that I don't know anymore."

"It happens to everyone, Maryse," Jocelyn replies, "I can tell it's hard for you to understand because it's hard for me to understand, with the way that we grew up, but I look at your son and I see someone who is happy. And someone who is strong."

"That's all I've ever wanted for him," Maryse murmurs.

"That's all anyone wants," Jocelyn adds, looking off again.

They stand in silence for a while.

"So," Jocelyn starts again, interrupting the silence. "I hear Annamarie Highsmith died."

Maryse freezes, and then turns to gape at Jocelyn. "How did you know?" she says coldly.

Jocelyn looks guilty. "I saw him with her. He…he looks at her the same way he looks at you."

Maryse sighs and looks away. "Yeah. Yeah, she died."

Guiltily, over the last few days, Maryse has been kind of hopeful over the fact that Annamarie had died. Maryse knows that Robert must have some grief, must feel something, because you can't have a relationship with someone for ten-plus years and not feel anything when they're gone. Honestly, though, Maryse is praying to the Angel that Robert still wants her, still needs her, still loves her, because now nothing is standing in their way. They can maybe be happy together for the first time. She can try to forget, and he can love her again.

He hurt her, though. He hurt her badly. She wants doesn't want to leave, and yet she also does. She doesn't know if she has the choice anymore.

"Maryse," Jocelyn starts.

"Did you still love Valentine, Jocelyn?" Maryse asks, looking away from Jocelyn. "Even after everything?"

"No," Jocelyn replies, "But I don't think I ever loved him to begin with. I loved who I thought he was. I didn't love him."

"But Maryse," Jocelyn continues, "I know you love Robert. But I also know you're someone who deserves to be happy, and being with someone who hurt you so badly, even if you love them so much it hurts, will never make you happy."

"I know you don't think you're strong enough to do this, but you are. It may be the hardest thing you do, but the hardest thing you'll ever do is easier than living a lie for the rest of your life."

Maryse doesn't say anything, but Jocelyn touches her shoulder before she leaves, and whispers, "And, just so you know, I believe in you."

* * *

"Alec!" Maryse cries as she approaches the center square by the Accords Hall. Her son and daughter are standing under strings of light that brighten up the glass of the buildings, and it is the prettiest thing Maryse has seen her entire stay.

Alec looks up at her in surprise, and then, panic. He has been avoiding her since the battle, and Maryse cannot blame him. He has a right to be scared. She just hates that he is.

"Can I talk to you?" Maryse asks him, gesturing away from the group. Alec looks at her and takes a deep breath. Maryse can feel Isabelle and Magnus Bane's eyes on her, but she does her best to continue looking at Alec.

"Yeah," he replies, and follows her over. She can tell he's dreading this. He stares at the ground awkwardly.

"Alec…"Maryse takes a deep breath, "I feel like a terrible mother."

His shoulders slump, and she immediately regrets her choice of words. "Because you couldn't tell me," she adds.

"What?" Alec looks up in shock. Maryse looks at him. He's so grown up, so different than the boy she thought she knew, and yet he's still her Alec, his blue eyes still alive with the hunger for knowledge and the want to please, still so sweet and still her baby.

"How long have you…known?" Maryse asks.

"Since I was thirteen," Alec whispers, staring at the ground.

"Oh Alec," Maryse replies, pulling him into her arms and stroking his back.

"I'm sorry," Alec murmurs into his voice, his voice cracking. "I wanted to tell you, I really did, I was just so scared that you'd hate me…"

"Oh, baby…" Maryse says, pulling away from his embrace and taking his face in her hands. "Listen to me. I am so sorry if I ever did anything to make you scared of me. But, I don't want you to _ever _feel that you can't tell me something again. There is nothing you could do that would ever make me hate you."

Alec's eyes look amazed. "So…so you don't care?"

Maryse sighs. "I'm not saying I'm not surprised, I'm not even saying I understand it…" Maryse sees his face fall, and she continues. "It's going to take some getting used to. But, do what makes you happy. If he makes you happy, be with him. I'm happy if you're happy. Just know that. And know that I love you. Okay?"

"Okay," he whispers back, and they both smile.

"Now, come on, be the gentleman I raised you to be and introduce me to…your boyfriend," Maryse tells him, and Alec nods, a grin on his face. They turn around, and when they do, Maryse notices Robert watching them from a distance. As they walk towards Magnus, he joins her, stepping behind her as they both shake hands with Magnus and Alec smiles at them.

Magnus and Alec excuse themselves from Maryse and Robert as they join Isabelle, who is standing with the werewolf girl Maia and Simon Lewis, and Jace, who has both arms around Clary Fray, to watch fireworks. Maryse watches her children. Though they've been through so much during the last week, they still manage to smile as the fireworks light up. Maryse switches her gaze from the sky to them in awe. Isabelle, her little girl, looks so beautiful as she continues to laugh with two Downworlders. Alec keeps stealing glances at Magnus, as if fireworks could never compare to the boy he has standing right next to him. Jace isn't even watching the sky, but instead looking at Clary, who in turn is looking at him, and not with admiration but with pure love.

Maryse can't remember the last time she saw all her children this happy.

Her children are happy because they are able to be brave. They are much braver than she was, or is. They were able to overcome fears to get to where they are now. They deserve to be happy.

Though Maryse has never been as brave as them, Maryse knows that Jocelyn is right. She deserves to be happy too. She may have to overcome her greatest fear to achieve it, but if her children can do it, so can she.

So, finally taking her eyes off the fireworks and her children, she turns to Robert.

"I'm done," Maryse tells him simply, looking into those blue eyes she used to love so much. "I can't do this anymore."

He doesn't say anything, but just looks at her, shocked and guilty.

Maryse gazes at him for one moment, before glancing at her children again, and then turning around and leaving the place. She has had a hard week.

**_Hope you enjoyed it! I'll try to get Part 2 up as soon as possible, but just to let you know- reviews are like energy drinks during writing for me! Thanks! -Sam_**


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